Lost at Sea
by Kefka is in my Harem
Summary: Squall and crew get lost at sea in the Garden when they get hit by a freak storm.
1. Part One

**Authors Notes: - **Ok, the premise behind this is that somewhere along the second disk the garden gets lost at sea and this is Squall's journal. Enjoy.

**Lost at Sea**

**Day One**

Everything seemed perfectly normal. We were headed from Timber to Edea's house, it seemed like a simply enough task but of course Nida messed it up. Out on the ocean the garden was hit by a freak storm. (Selphie couldn't stop giggling after Nida said we'd been hit by a squall.) Once everything had cleared up no one had a clue where we were. I hope we reach shore soon, Selphie is driving me nuts.

_-Squall_

**Day Two**

It seems all I've done for the past twelve hours is play Triple Triad. I'd already beaten Zell so badly he didn't have enough cards left to keep playing and only Quistis was giving me any sort of a challenge. We'd be back to civilization if Nida would just ask for directions, but after running over a fishing boat he was more than a little loath to go near another one.

_-Squall_

**Day Three**

The smell of salt water is starting to make me sick. My clothes stink of it and at night I keep having dreams involving beer nuts and pretzels. Zell is already starting to worry about rations. We've only been lost for three days and already the bastard is worrying about his hot dogs. Whiner.

_-Squall_

**Day Four**

My name is Squall, I'm a stupid wanker. Rinoa is purdy. I want to touch Rinoa's soft-

Stupid Zell, getting into my journal. The doctor said he should wake up sometime tomorrow and that the lump may take a while to go away. I'd throttle him more but beating an unconscious person isn't nearly as satisfying as one that flails and screams. Stupid Zell.

_-Squall_

**Day Five**

Zell's still unconscious and Rinoa won't talk to me anymore. Apparently she doesn't like being around 'violent people'. I don't know what the hell she's talking about. I was under the impression that she and Seifer used to be together. The mental picture of the two of them together will haunt me for the rest of my days.

Nida fell asleep at the wheel and we almost went into the ocean but Quistis managed to pull us back up. Now he also has a lump that will take a while to heal. Stupid Nida.

_-Squall_

**Day Six**

Headmaster Cid assured us today that everything was going to be all right and that we'll find our way back to land soon. I'm starting to think we're running low on food. Today is the third day in a row that we've been served oatmeal for breakfast. I mentioned this to Zell, who'd just woken up, and he went into a sobbing fit. It was entertaining until Selphie chased me out of the infirmary. At least I won some cards off of Irvine today.

_-Squall_

**Day Seven**

The stupid Garden is so bloody slow. The damned thing creeps along slower than a one legged chocobo. More nightmares about bar snacks have kept me from sleeping. I think I'm starting to hallucinate. This morning my oatmeal suggested we mutiny but the raisins were against it. Need sleep.

_-Squall_

**Day Eight**

Sleep won't come. No matter how long I lay here sleep wont come. Why can't I sleep? Why can't we find land!? Were we wind swept onto a world of endless oceans!? Why can't Nida stop and ask for directions!? The oatmeal has turned against me, the raisins are now on its side... but they don't know I know....

_-Squall_

**Day Nine**

Disregard previous entries. Irvine spiked my drink last night while I was ranting something about oatmeal. I'd thank him but the hangover is only slightly more tolerable than the insomnia was. My head feels like its either going to spontaneously fall of my head and crack like a brittle egg or swell up like a balloon and float off into space. Either way at least I'd be free of the tedium of the Garden.

_-Squall_

**Day Ten**

Stupid Zell. He's started to hoard food, most likely hotdogs. I caught him sneaking out of the kitchen, and noticed that his pants looked a little too puffy. When I tried to confront him he fled, leaving behind a trail of cookies and the occasional hot dog. We had to throw the food into the ocean. We were a long way off from being hungry enough to eat a piece of food that had been down his pants. Now I have something else to add to my list of 'haunting images'.

_-Squall_

**~                      ~                      ~**


	2. Part Two

**Lost at Sea:**

**Part Two**

**Day Eleven**

Rinoa still isn't talking to me. Why do I even bother or care? She's just a stupid wench. And I still think her train sucks.

_-Squall_

**Day Twelve**

We've started to crack, though a few students are already broken. Today I found Selphie huddled in her closet eating sugar and chanting 'I like trains' over and over again. No one had the will, let alone the tolerance to help her. Shortly after Zell joined her. Later the two of them were playing tag and running about the Garden yelling 'Booyaka' at the tops of their lungs. For the first time I truly joined forces with Irvine and brought their reign of terror to an end. Rather anticlimactically we simply knocked them out and tied them to their respective beds.

_-Squall_

**Day Thirteen**

What kind of man has a _diary_? How manly is it to write down your thoughts and whine about how bad your life sucks. Sure as hell sounds like Squall.

_-Still the prettiest,_

_Irvine___

**Day Fourteen**

Must kill Irvine. Not only did the bastard get into my JOURNAL but he stole my best outfit and put on a mini-play with Zell. Zell pretended to be Seifer, and I have to admit he was funny, while Irvine was me. He should have played Rinoa, he's girly enough.

_-Squall_

**Day Fifteen**

Finely land came into sight but we were once again thwarted. Turns out it was just a sandbar. Stupid sandbar. On a more 'cheerful' note the food is starting to run out. I'm sure it's compounded by Zell and Selphie's behavior.

Interestingly enough I'm finally getting some use out of that 'How to Increase Your Vocabulary' book Quistis got me last summer.

_-Squall_

**Day Sixteen**

I'm happy you're finally using the book I got you Squall. Now if only you'd spend some time with the other one I got you: 'How to Make Friends and Keep them'.

_-Quistis_

**Day Seventeen**

I wish people would stop sneaking into my room! I swear, it's like privacy doesn't exist anymore! Hell, just the other day Selphie burst into my room while I was changing. I never knew so many different shades of color could pass across someone's face but she managed it. I think she turned every primary color at least briefly.

Later in the day (after the apologized repeatedly, though she couldn't stop staring at my crotch) both of us were subjugated to the unholy sight of Irvine in the middle of a 'double mint' moment. We discovered him in one of the training rooms 'exercising with those two girls that always hang out with Quistis and play cards. If I can't get out of the Garden any time soon I'm going to either shoot myself or someone else.

_-Squall_

**Day Eighteen**

This morning Irvine gave Selphie a gift to make up for his transgressions. I noticed that it would occasionally vibrate oddly and he insisted that she not open it until she got back to her room. Selphie not only missed lunch but was late for dinner. I wonder what was in that box? Oh well, more food for the rest of us.

I'm now on chapter twenty two of 'How to Increase Your Vocabulary'.

_-Squall_

**Day Nineteen**

Selphie's smiling even more than usual. I wouldn't really notice but occasionally she'll look at me and giggle wildly. At first I thought maybe Zell had put some stupid sign on my back (he's known to do that) but Irvine assured me that, that wasn't it. I don't trust him but Quistis told me the same.

The worst thing is, when I asked Selphie what she was giggling about she just turned a bunch of colors and ran off giggling even more! So I asked Rinoa, who's been spending a lot of time with her since we got lost, but she reacted just the same! I'm starting to think some disease is spreading among the women. I hope Quistis doesn't get it, she's one of the few sane people left.

_-Squall_

**Day Twenty**

I was proud to find out today that I'm well equipped. I sparred with one of the newer students, one of the few to wield a gunblade like mine and I wommped him good!

Sadly enough land still isn't in sight. I'm starting to think we're going in circles. Talks of mutiny are spreading through the ranks. Rumor has it that Quistis might lead the revolt, if so I wouldn't mind joining.

_-Squall_

~                      ~                      ~


	3. Part Three

**Authors Notes:- **As you can see I'm a fan of Selphie/Zell.****

**Lost at Sea:**

**Part Three**

**Day Twenty One**

There is nothing wrong with that train! I worked very hard on it and I'm proud! You're so mean Squall. That's why I won't talk to you!...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude. Will you teach me to play cards?

_-Rinoa_

**Day Twenty Two**

Does Rinoa suffer from ADHD or something? I swear, she can barely keep her mind on something for very long. Though, I guess this means she isn't so angry with me anymore. Tomorrow I'll try to teach her Triple Triad. I do have enough spare cards to give her a sizable deck. If anything it will be entertaining for a while.

_-Squall_

**Day Twenty Three**

Today Rinoa learned how to play Triple Triad and I learned how to be patient. Or at least learned how not to strangle someone and instead stare blankly while I plotted their demise. How hard is it to learn Triple Triad?! It's one of the easiest card games out there!

Sadly Irvine saw that I was teaching her cards and decided to 'help'. A few hours, and many beers later, we were playing Win/Loose/Strip. Quistis, Zell, Selphie and even a few extra students joined in. While I'm not going to complain about the view the girls provided I never want to see Irvine's Nancy nipples ever again.

_-Squall_

**Day Twenty Four**

The image is burned into my brain! Every time I close my eyes I see them! I feel unclean but no matter how much I bathe I still feel dirty. Oh god I need to boil my eyes!

_-Squall_

**Day Twenty Five**

You're so mean Squall! What Zell and I did was perfectly natural!

_-Selphie_

**Day Twenty Six**

Natural!? Natural!? Then what the hell were you wearing? Since when is that natural!

Oh god... the image came back... 

_-Squall_

**Day Twenty Seven**

It's called a strap on Squall, and plenty of lovers use it. Not to say of course that I've ever experimented with such things... Anyway, I left a new book for you on your bed. It should help with your problem.

_-Quistis_

**Day Twenty Eight**

That's it! Everyone is grounded. The boys will be housed on the right side of the Garden and the girls on the left. I will not have pornography and sex running rampant through my Garden! You of all people Squall.

_-Cid_

**Day Twenty Nine**

Great going Quistis. Not only did you get us all in trouble Cid confiscated all of my books. And the only thing pornographic I had was that last book you gave me!

I didn't know you had it in you...

Anyway, Irvine is taking this new gender separation/no pornography rule very hard. I never knew so many nudie magazines existed. It took hours and several students to unload his room. Apparently his entire bed was stuffed with the smut.

_-Squall_

**Day Thirty**

It's been a month since we've walked on solid ground. I never knew how much I'd miss my freedom... and cars. Also, I caught Selphie sneaking into Zell's room but I didn't have the heart to report them. Stupid Cid.

_-Squall_

~                      ~                      ~


	4. Part Four

**Authors Notes: - **Yeah, yeah, this is the end. It was fun while it lasted though! Hope you all enjoyed this crazy OCC-fest!

**Lost at Sea:**

**Conclusion**

**Day Thirty One**

Quistis pulled a coup d'état. Cid is now imprisoned in the freezer with Nida. Now I'm piloting the Garden and we've set our course for the east. We'll not stop until we reach land or die of starvation, which was starting to look like a possibility. That is until Zell (in a very rare moment) came up with the idea of fishing. Luckily this oversized mobile atrium goes slow enough that we can fish. Selphie and Rinoa fashioned nets while Irvine and Zell put together fishing poles. Tonight we will eat fish!

_-Squall_

**Day Thirty Two**

We did it! We finally found land! To celebrate we raided the wine cellar and had lobster for dinner. Considering our little 'journey' was over we freed Cid and Nida. Nida is still bitter about the coup d'état and I don't blame him, apparently he got some frost bite while in the freezer but refuses to tell me where.

I'm so happy to be back on land. After dinner I went for a nice long walk on solid ground and enjoyed a few encounters with some monsters. Quistis joined me soon after. I have to admit, she handled herself well during the last month. While the rest of us were going crazy she seemed to always keep cool.

I wonder if she'd be interested in a three-way with Rinoa?

_-Squall_

**Day Thirty Three**

This is going to be my last entry into this journal then I'll be burning it. I want to forget about this past month but before I close this 'chapter' of my life I have on thing to say:

Stupid Irvine for tampering with my journal! That last comment was from him! The stupid she-male.

_-Squall_

**The End**


End file.
